Confessions of a Mommy
I was tasked with writing this blog in August of 2016, when I came back from maternity leave. It is now July 2017.
I am a first-time Mom; I am 25 years old and have a beautiful 14-month-old baby boy. Jax was born on April 24, 2016 at 10:24am; a day that changed my life forever. And not in the “OMG-I-am-a-mom-and-so-in-love-with-this-little-human-I-don’t-know-how-I-lived-without-him,” kind of way. But an “OMG-what-am-I-going-to-do-with-this-tiny-squishy-little-lifeform-that-is-feeding-off-of-me-and-needs-every-bit-of-my-attention-and-concentration,” kind of way.
My life since that day, up until this point, has been consumed with diapers, crying, rocking, swaddling, dressing, bathing, feeding, comforting, playing, and singing to my little guy.
Then, I was asked to write a blog about something I am passionate about; something I know, something I love. But now that I have what is fondly known as “Mom-Brain,” which Urban Dictionary states as, “Lack of normal brain function that the non-mom does not possess. After birthing a child, you forget things frequently and don't remember what you did 5 minutes ago,” I do not recall in detail those little passions in life that make me who I am. My life is about my son now, so what could I possibly write about?
But, the show blog writing, must go on. I had to come up with a theme for my blog, so I started to rack my brain. There have been many things in life that I have been passionate about.
I love to shop. I love to shop for clothes, shoes and accessories; for nick-knacks for my house, décor and furniture. More recently I love to shop for baby clothes, shoes, sweet blankets and swaddles; for learning toys, organic toiletries for the little guy, organizers and bags to separate all of his things. I love to scour the internet looking for deals and finding items from all over the world-wide-web to create the perfect room. I love to shop; sometimes a little too much.
I love to do crafts. I love to make things, to conceptualize and execute my creation. I love hand making wreaths, rustic painted mason jars, hand painted signs with beautiful messages, and DIY furniture.
I love to organize. I love to go on Pinterest and find the little “life-hacks” that help you organize your house. Like using folder bins to store Ziplocs bags and aluminum foil, or using wooden crates to create a new shelving system for the laundry room. It calms me, and centers me to organize my cabinets, closets and bathroom.
I love to tackle DIY projects in my home. I love to get lost in a wall of paint, with sanding a table, or re-staining a chair; with whitewashing my fireplace, or refinishing my staircase. I think it’s fun to till up my entire flowerbed, reframe it with an awesome stone idea from Pinterest, and lay it with newly-mounded mulch and brand new flowers.
I love make-up. To buy new products, and try them out. To have a heap of makeup in front of me and sit for two hours applying it perfectly. To watch YouTube videos and learn the best tricks of the trade. To find a new “natural eye” or “night-out” look. I love to be in Sephora or Ulta and gaze at the array of shades of shadows, blushes and bronzers. I get so excited and start making plans in my head of how I will layer the shades for a perfect look.
I love to lay outside in the sun. To smell the fresh air, and let my mind float away with the warm breeze. I love to lay still and clear my head while the sun shines brightly on me. I find my peace in those moments.
But how can I write a blog about shopping when, I get to the store and try to go in and out as quick as possible, before Jax gets hungry or tired and starts fussing.
How can I write a blog on crafts when my hands are so tired at the end of the day from working, driving, picking my son up, folding clothes, vacuuming, feeding, bathing, dressing and rocking my little guy to sleep?
How can I write a blog on DIY home projects when I don’t have a weekend to myself to finish a project, let alone long enough to start the project? I might get three minutes to myself until I am bellowed for by the stretching vocal cords of my fourteen-month-old.
How can I take the time to organize my pantry or bathroom closet when it’s all I can do to keep my house clean? The second I put it away, little hands are reaching to pull it back out again.
How can I write a blog about the joys of make-up, when it is almost impossible to do my make-up with my son around? He grabs for my pallets and brushes, slobbers on my mirrors, and yells for me to hold him when I’ve been at it too long.
How can I write a blog on the many ways the outdoors can center me when I can barely get outdoors because I am trying to get everything else done, only to wake and do it again?
So, that’s when I thought, how about I write a blog about my son. About being a new Mom. A Mom, who up until April 24, 2016 at 10:24 am, did everything for herself and had no one to answer to.
If I wanted to have a craft day, I could go to the store, drop 100 bucks on supplies, and craft into the wee hours of the morning.
If I wanted to go sit outside and bask in the gloriousness that is the big round yellow ball in the sky, I could from the time it rose to the time it set.
If I wanted to paint my kitchen, I could have an entire weekend to myself to start and finish the project without batting an eye.
But now all this has changed. And I know I am not the only person on the planet that has had this freedom ripped from their shiny, polished – now dull and lifeless – fingers.
My son has given new meaning to my life, a great meaning. I am responsible for a human life. To teach him right from wrong, to give him the tools to succeed, to teach him to be respectful, responsible, hard working, and kind; to be honorable and to stand up for what he believes in.
It is a tremendous honor, being a Mother. But that doesn’t mean the meshing of my old life and new life isn’t hard. So, hang on for the ride! I think this blog series could get interesting.
PS – Hopefully I will have another post up in less than a year.